and theres reason to believe…

…that maybe this year will be better than the last.

And just like that, the glow from the Christmas lights that adorn my windows and staircase are making me feel so cozy. The sprint through Thanksgiving and into holiday cheer was almost as fast as my race pace at this year’s Turkey Trot. I had the pleasure of hosting Sir Winston Churchill Warrior for the holiday weekend and now that he’s gone and the house is clean, it’s so quiet and I miss his footsteps on the hardwood floors.┬áMy (not so) secret santa gave me an Advent calendar, which of course started today. Day one was a success; just looking at it makes me smile.

There’s a lot about the next month that I’m not looking forward to – a lot of decisions to be made – a lot of selfish people distracting from what I need to think about and do for me and my future. I honestly have no idea how this is going to play out – not a clue; for once I can’t see the future. I’m really just hoping for someone to take my hand and let me know (with confidence in their voice and in their grip) that I’ll survive my 20’s. This leap of faith is going to be a hard one to take – especially because I’ve seen those leaps end in disaster for the man that I share half of my dna with.

The only thing I really know how to do at a crossroads is cook – it’s calming and makes me feel like I have some sort of control over something in the universe and allows me to focus my attention on other matters for the rest of the week. So, this morning I went to the market and this afternoon I cancelled the meeting that I never should’ve made, and I cooked.

So this week we have breakfast oatmeal muffins and chipotle sweet potato tacos and some of the vegan tortilla soup that I froze from two weeks ago. This weekend I’ll make my very favorite dark chocolate peppermint bark and depending on how low the temperatures get this week, I might restart my hot chocolate addiction.

So very thankful for the week full of friends and wine and a snuggly pup. But the blessed unrest continues, and for now I’m doing my best to keep perspective.


Pass the cranberries and let’s say grace

Another year, another successful contribution to the District 9 Thanksgiving luncheon. The holidays can be difficult for an anoretic (person who is anorexic), and I’m not immune to that.

Each year since 2011, I’ve volunteered to make the turkey, rolls and gravy for the D9 staff. 2011 was my first turkey ever, and I was pretty proud of that bird. 2012 was harder – the bird was even more perfect than before, but I didn’t want to eat it…at all. I didn’t want to eat anything.

This year I’ve focused on being more intentional and ceremonial about food and it’s helped me to value my nourishment and my time more – but holidays are still hard. This year I opted to slow cook my turkey, add pomegranate poms and infused my tasty cranberry sauce with cloves, and change up my rolls to a 9-seed whole grain dough. It was amazingly rich but fairly light.

Still though – it took a lot of mind power to not fall victim to the skinny devil on my shoulder. My shoulders have been heavy lately so I was more than excited to come home this weekend, even though that trip would mostly consist of…eating.

Somehow those concerns got lost in the hillscapes and painted skies on the drive home, and were completely forgotten with the sound of Landon’s voice when he paid me a surprise visit. “Annie? Annie I’m here!”

Music to my ears.

Also, my doggy-daddy passed the CA Bar, which added a bit more lightness to my step.