high tide

Leadership is a series of behaviors rather than a role for heroes.
Margaret Wheatley

Sometimes I feel paralyzed. Completely cerebrally immobile. Stuck in the middle of a swirling whirling to-do list word cloud. This evening was one such occurrence. I got back from seven hours of campaign data mining with a brain that was completely mush and a body that was tired of sitting. Excited about the new year and scared about the next ten days, I tried to busy myself by…cleaning the room that I cleaned two days ago. I mean – I didn’t even need to dust it.

So I grabbed a cookbook – and then I got spun around on the drink/meal containers I should research to buy for juicing and better meal transporting – and then I got sidetracked by thinking about whether I should come home for lunch to visit with Winston, negating the need for new containers – and then I was sad because the changes were so apparent – and then and then and then…I closed the cookbooks and played tetris and watched Office Space in the background.

Quite the juxtaposition from how I rang in the New Year – in a hotel room in one of my favorite and most serine places with the guy that makes me an english tea spread when we watch Downton Abbey. I packed our picnic basket full of chocolate, champagne, brie and honeycomb, and a gluten free baguette – it was excellent. When I realized that a morning walk on the beach as the tide came in was contained within the same 24-hour timeframe as two hours of tetris, I would’ve thought you were talking about someone other than me.

I get so wrapped up in the idea of being a superwoman – certainly people remind me of how busy and high functioning I am on a regular basis. Really, its just positive reinforcement of the negative idea that I always have to have things wrapped up, put together and completely figured out. I don’t need to have a plan for tomorrow and I don’t need to apologize for that and I do need to work on being more… extemporaneous.

I don’t believe in resolutions, only revolutions. So my newest revolution is to forgive myself more and let out some slack in the balance and control anchor line.

Though, perhaps I should find a new book to read instead of losing myself in a shape stacking game…

asilomar_shadow

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Rio, a five inch stiletto and a little bit of flare

What I wouldn’t give for some heat. Friction that isn’t internal to my person.

Give me a blazing sun, wind that whips my hair and an attitude to go along with it.

Give me my passport and a boarding pass and I’ll meet you in Rio in May for the Cup. I’ll take my whiskey neat, my sunglasses oversized and a night of salsa dancing that makes me forget that the world is sleeping.

Cayenne. Give me something cayenne.
Radient Orchid? A year has never been so mis-matched.

2014 needs to come fast and run hot. The change needs to be swift because my arms and heart and eyes are open and ready to start something new and be immersed in the next chapter of life and love. I need to walk into it feeling fabulous and walk through it with grace and as much balance as high heels can muster. I can’t do the sweet floral kisses anymore. No. No, 2014 is going to be full of spice and the rest of December is going to be full of hot chocolate.

I still believe our old motto: “forget your resolutions and start a revolution”. Still.