high tide

Leadership is a series of behaviors rather than a role for heroes.
Margaret Wheatley

Sometimes I feel paralyzed. Completely cerebrally immobile. Stuck in the middle of a swirling whirling to-do list word cloud. This evening was one such occurrence. I got back from seven hours of campaign data mining with a brain that was completely mush and a body that was tired of sitting. Excited about the new year and scared about the next ten days, I tried to busy myself by…cleaning the room that I cleaned two days ago. I mean – I didn’t even need to dust it.

So I grabbed a cookbook – and then I got spun around on the drink/meal containers I should research to buy for juicing and better meal transporting – and then I got sidetracked by thinking about whether I should come home for lunch to visit with Winston, negating the need for new containers – and then I was sad because the changes were so apparent – and then and then and then…I closed the cookbooks and played tetris and watched Office Space in the background.

Quite the juxtaposition from how I rang in the New Year – in a hotel room in one of my favorite and most serine places with the guy that makes me an english tea spread when we watch Downton Abbey. I packed our picnic basket full of chocolate, champagne, brie and honeycomb, and a gluten free baguette – it was excellent. When I realized that a morning walk on the beach as the tide came in was contained within the same 24-hour timeframe as two hours of tetris, I would’ve thought you were talking about someone other than me.

I get so wrapped up in the idea of being a superwoman – certainly people remind me of how busy and high functioning I am on a regular basis. Really, its just positive reinforcement of the negative idea that I always have to have things wrapped up, put together and completely figured out. I don’t need to have a plan for tomorrow and I don’t need to apologize for that and I do need to work on being more… extemporaneous.

I don’t believe in resolutions, only revolutions. So my newest revolution is to forgive myself more and let out some slack in the balance and control anchor line.

Though, perhaps I should find a new book to read instead of losing myself in a shape stacking game…