reflection

Today was…an interesting gift.

As we speak I’m supposed to be doing other things, and sleep won’t come for hours yet – but here we are, and the value of this moment is more than worth a few more drops of concealer in the morning.

Bookended with sweet conversations with strong women that keep me sane, the day started and ended with peace – the middle was anything but tranquil – but hey, who’s counting?

Coffee (tea, ann style) with one of my two MPA sisters, lunch with my mentees (with a spotting of another lovely), a few office visits from a new friendly face at work, yoga with the other MPA sister, a workout with my sweets and wine with my bests.

I have nothing to complain about.

Those blessings didn’t keep the day on-track, but it made it okay that things were off-kilter.

Lots of things went differently than anticipated, and I had to let a friend go. I haven’t felt that pursued and vilified since that unfortunate December of 2005 when the abuse sent me screaming and crying into a phone pleading with my mom to come home, and sent someone else into the snowcapped mountains to pretend to act out his own suicide threats. Not great. But this time there was no screaming or crying, or hiding. A long sigh, a powering off of my mobile device, and a moment of silence to re-center and remember that I was not those things, this was not my doing, this didn’t define me, and that I wouldn’t let this stick, was really all it took. Nothing to be incredulous or hysterical over. Nothing to fight back about either. If we learned anything in 2005, it was that manipulation is fed, and that the only way to not be victimized is to starve the behavior of the validation that they want to consume.

It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I can’t rationalize, argue, or sympathize with something that comes from such a dark place. So instead, I deleted the remarks and went to yoga. The whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about this performance – one of my favorites of all time. The movement is spot on, the weapons work is so clean, and the timing changes and transition to spoken word boosts the difficulty level by nine points. The multi-element block that begins at 4:22 gives me chills, as does their closing movement block that starts at 5:40, but I digress.

Of course there was a substitute in my favorite vinyasa class today…and while I struggled to find my balance – crow pose really wasn’t happening – I was still able to walk away having learned a lesson: forgive yourself for the imperfections; the wiggles, the shakes, for falling out of balance in my practice and in life. It doesn’t matter that I nail Warrior 3 every morning when I wake up, because in the moment when its actually happening…I might not, and thats okay too because the effort had the best of intentions.

Yoga was exhausting and I didn’t eat much today, so when NikWar and I met for stairs I did fewer sets than I anticipated. The fitness master slowed to my pace when my hip started hurting and walked the trail with me as the sun set through the marine layer that was billowing in. We talked about all sorts of things; politics (obvi – its us), fitness – my marathon training and his new gym, and of course Winston – mainly about his xrays tomorrow. Momma loves you baby bear!

At the end of the day, I had my best girls to come home to, and it wasn’t long before we discovered that we ALL would enjoy a glass of wine to end this silly Thursday. Tomorrow, I’ll see my favorite professor, have my first (american) high tea, and I’ll enjoy some Summer JazzFest before sprinting through the hills to the place I once called home. Saturday will be blessed with friends that are family, wedding dress shopping, and a morning run through the fields. Sunday will bring sweet introductions to my two new babyloves, my mothers first yoga class, mimosas with my sister-in-law(to be) and at least a few games of “tag you’re it” with my nephew.

It’s a good life. And when it’s not, there is still something to be celebrated.

http://tylerknott.com/post/57419053320/the-life-we-lead-and-the-choices-we-make-and-the

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